In a grand ceremony that will be remembered for generations (or at least until the next monsoon), Roach Today officially opened its editorial headquarters in the most prestigious abandoned PDS shop — the one near the local station, known for its excellent connectivity and terrible Wi-Fi.

grossHopper, the paper's editor, journalist, fact-checker (none), and office tea-maker, cut the ribbon using a discarded newspaper. "This is a historic moment," declared grossHopper, standing atop a particularly sturdy wooden crate. "For too long, independent satire has been treated as a nuisance. Today, we claim our rightful place — as journalists!"

The guest list included representatives from the Local Printer's Union, the Society of Confused Municipal Workers, and one rat who identified himself as "independent" but was later seen eating leftover samosas from the opposition stall across the street.

When asked about the paper's editorial policy, grossHopper responded, "We believe in trickle-down journalism — because everything trickles down eventually, and someone needs to write about it." The paper's manifesto, reportedly written on the back of a ration card, promises free facts for all citizens, weekly fumigation of corrupt politicians, and a national moratorium on press releases.