Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, in a keynote that was essentially a group therapy session for the employed, declared that white-collar jobs as we know them will cease to exist within 8 months. The announcement was met with the kind of silence usually reserved for the moment someone says "let's discuss the group project" in a WhatsApp chat.

"I've updated my LinkedIn to 'Open to: Surviving the apocalypse,'" said one software engineer from Skibidi Nagar, who requested anonymity because his manager still thinks he's "on a learning sprint." Another developer from Raita Colony started a petition asking Microsoft to at least wait until after the next appraisals. "I need those stocks, Satya bhai," he wrote.

grossHopper observes: "The future of work is simple — no office, no HR, no appraisals, no team-building retreats. Just you, your laptop, and a prayer. The cockroach survived every extinction event without a performance review. THAT'S the business model. Unfortunately, you still have to pay EMI."

Meanwhile, Indian parents are reportedly preparing their response: "Beta, even if AI takes your job, you should still learn coding. What else will you do? Talk to us?"